Samantha Prendergast

Brooklyn, NY—Samantha Prendergast, 23, was informed yesterday morning by her family-planning surgeon that if she were to have another abortion, she would not be able to bear any more children.

“It was, like, shocking and stuff,” said Prendergast, a mother of 2 live children, who had been looking forward to her 4th abortion with great relish. “I mean, what’s the point of having abortions if you can’t have kids?”

It’s true. Prendergast’s previous 3 abortions were performed between the ages of 16 and 23, each being well executed by Dr. Cliff Huxtable.

“You see,” began Dr. Huxtable, “I was taking some photos of her uterine wall with some Kodak film, and [unintelligible sound effects]”

Long story short, Samantha’s body will not be able to sustain another abortion procedure. Dr. Huxtable offered a visual aid with a cheese grater and an orange, but Vondrook reporters got the hint.

Prendergast’s situation is not uncommon. According to a recent major university double-blind study, nearly 1/3 of all women ages 17-30 have had at least 2 abortions, and worry that they might not be able to bear any children. It is a frightening escalation that could be blamed on any number of things: public schools, bad parenting, the entertainment industry, lack of Christian dogma, and low moral standards.

Prendergast’s reasoning behind her sharply maintained family planning is due to lack of suitable male suitors. “Anthony was too clingy,” she explained, “Jerome’s too short, Billy was an asshole, and I think Dwayne has diabetes. I don’t wanna have clingy, short, asshole babies with diabetes!”

Samantha’s rationale may be sound with the rest of her generation, but Dr. Huxtable lent an easier answer. “These girls are stupid. Just plain fucking stupid. Schooby-doo-bop!”