Welcome to the Fleshlight Family!
My name is Henry Mills and I would like to personally thank you for your recent purchase of my life-long invention, the Fleshlight. Inside your package you will find a hand written certificate of authenticity and individual serial number for which to validate your purchase’s legitimacy. And like all Fleshlights, this one has been rigorously hand tested before being allowed to ship to you, our highly valued customer.
As a Fleshlight customer, you are acknowledging the brilliance of my invention and are probably aware of the story of how a power outage in my home one night opened the door to a whole new world of self-satisfaction and further reluctance to talk to women. The idea itself evolved over the years, as most great inventions do. It started primitively as the CunnyCandle, then onto the OilDamp, followed by…well, if you do not know of the story, I have included it in the back of this welcome kit, on the page proceeding maintenance as well as the step by step methods for the recommended biannual cleaning of your Fleshlight.
Personally, I would not like to say that I am as dazzling or innovative as Edison or Jobs, but I am. Do you know how many board rooms I was laughed out of when pitching my invention? I couldn’t even tell you how many. It was a struggle, convincing people that I had reinvented the wheel. But thanks to people like you, we are proving to all of them that there is no point to using your hand when you have a velvety silicone tube in which to put your dick into. You sir, are a trendsetter!
And as a trendsetter, it is up to you to spread the word of this miraculous invention. Inside your Fleshlight, I have packed it with tight with bumper stickers to put on your car or your desk at work as well as a Fleshlight t-shirt to wear whilst traipsing through the park or stalking the aisles of the grocery store. Don’t let others remain ignorant in their brainwashed, default ways of masturbating. To think, people still use their hands for this stuff. Some guys even get girlfriends or wives. Hello, it’s the 21st century: stick your dick into a tube!
Enjoy your Fleshlight. I hope you have as much fun using it as I did inventing it. Thank you and happy tubing!
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