The Ultimate Way
Thank you, sir, for seeing me on such short notice. I cannot imagine how busy you must be. And you’re probably wondering, “Who is this Jenkins fellow? From what department?” But I am sure your most daunting question most likely revolves around my face-paint.
Well, Sir, my name is Michael Jenkins. I have been working with your company for over four years. I manage the Accounts Receiving Department , and this face-paint that I am wearing is modeled after WWE superstar “The Ultimate Warrior.”
And I want a raise.
Mr. Pensky, as I am sure you know, accounts receiving has shown a steady 4 percent increase per year since I have taken over the department, and, besides the great satisfaction it gives me to contribute so much to the company, I have not received any kind of incentive for the effort.
Hey, did you know that when the Ultimate Warrior beat Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania IV, it was the first time the Hulkster lost by pinfall at a Pay-Per-View event?
Despite the face-paint, Mr. Pensky, the Ultimate Warrior does not clown around and neither do I. Sure, my office-mates and underlings chuckled a bit upon seeing my appearance, but now, after seeing the results I bring in, they chuckle with respect.
Do you respect me, Mr. Pensky? You should. The numbers don’t lie. Why do you think I look like this? I’m out there every day, hunting down leads, slaying customer dissatisfaction, trouncing delinquent payments, making the sea run red with our rival’s stocks.
I mean, who do you think got the Merrymead account? Let me assure you, I wouldn’t have gotten it that day if I were dressed as Andre the Giant, a.k.a, The Gentle Giant.
Sure, I could have decorated myself in the garb of Randy “Macho Man” Savage, but it would have fallen flat. Trust me, I’ve tried that before. And who else would fit so perfectly as the Ultimate Warrior when asking for a raise? Ric Flair? Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake? How about Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a.k.a The Excellence of Execution? Actually, that last one doesn’t sound half bad: The excellence of execution. Damn, that would have been kind of catchy for this meeting. Oh, well. Can’t go back now. The Warrior is in.
Hmmmm…well, hell, there’s also “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. That would have been pretty smooth…George “The Animal” Steele…”Ravishing” Rick Rude…
Mr. Pensky, maybe we should hold off on this meeting. Maybe schedule it for another time. I have to prepare a better argument. “Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase! Dammit! Mr. Pensky, I’m sorry, I have to go! I will reschedule with your secretary.
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