How freakin’ awesome is the new KFC Double Down sandwich?

“Orgasmic!” This, according to test marketing in Omaha, Nebraska. These lucky folks had the pleasure of sampling the Double Down along with a buttery beverage called the Margarinita. We can’t vouch for the latter, however, there’s something magical about a sandwich that replaces the traditional bun with two hunks of fried chicken and is stuffed with bacon, melted cheese, and the Colonel’s secret sauce.

KFC's Double Down sandwich is no joke.

Sure, this bun-less wonder and its 540 calories, 32 grams of fat, and 1380 mg of sodium will probably clog a coronary artery, but the heart has others. Besides, it’s a small price to pay for a once-in-a-lifetime sandwich.

The Double Down will be coming to a KFC menu near you on April 12. Lucky for us, we were able to acquire a few sandwiches early by bribing a member of the Colonel’s finger-lickin’ army. We then selected four losers people at random and gave them a taste of greatness. Not that it matters, but here’s what they had to say about the Double Down.

Bruce Collie, 49, balding putz

“Double Down? This deathwich should be called the ‘Doubled-over.’ Aww God, it feels like I swallowed a grenade. My stomach is going to explode.”

Robbie Selby, 32, too cool for school

“I can’t believe I actually took a bite. I feel gross—like I should get tested for…something, anything.”

Lynn Braxton, 53, annoying soccer mom

“It looks and tastes like KFC threw a bunch of leftovers together. And what are they doing with all the unused buns? Hopefully, they’ll feed them to their chickens, which will end up being slaughtered for this slop. It’s a vicious cycle.”

Gleb Just Gleb, unknown, total fucking psycho

“LALALALALALA! You’re right Pepto Abysmallus, the pie is too sweet. Want a piece of meat? Meat too tough. Want to ride the bus? Bus too full. Want to ride a bull? Bull too mean. Want a jelly bean? Jelly bean too sour. We got the power!”