Due to a recent rash of public outcry and confusion concerning the eerie similarities between the 7th-dan black belt Aikido master Steven Seagal and a lukewarm bowl of boiled, chopped cereal, the Vondrook team is here to quell your concerns. Below are the differences between the actor/martial artist and the breakfast cereal. Store these facts in your head and stump your friends the next time the subject comes up (which it inevitably will).

The Porridge:




  • Is featured exclusively in the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
  • Although seemingly bland, can be mixed with a variety of berries and fruits such as: blueberries, peaches, or honeydew.
  • A good source of dietary fiber
  • Origins can be traced all the way back to Neolithic times
  • Was a favorite food of Nelson Mandela as well as Wallace and Gromit!

Steven Seagal:

steven seagal


  • Has his own aftershave named, “Scent of Action.”
  • 4-time Razzy nominee in the category of Worst Actor
  • Ponytail smells like burnt plastic
  • Likes to pal around with Vladimir Putin, calling him, “One of the great living world leaders.”
  • Movies have been going straight to DVD since 2001
  • Really likes to hold a gun in his movie posters
  • Is hard to kill


Don’t be a Steven Segal; be a bowl of porridge! Download a FREE E-Book of essays by the author of this post. Simply click here