Hmmmm…Short Circuit 2. I don’t know. I just don’t know. Short Circuit was such a hit; are we sure we want to go back to that well again? There’s so much to factor in here.

First of all, who is willing to come back for a sequel? I wonder if Ally (Sheedy) will sign back on. Fisher Stevens, I don’t think he has anything on the horizon. As for Johnny #5, well, I can almost guarantee that he is going to be in it. In fact, this was probably all his idea anyway. Goddamn it, Johnny. I don’t like being in this position.

Now, wait a second, wait a second. Since when do I, Steve Guttenberg, need to know who else is assigned to a film before I, Steve Guttenberg, consider it? Guttenberg is the film. Guttenberg takes the mundane and makes it his own. Just take a look at Police Academy. And now ask me what film I just put in the can 2 weeks ago. That’s right– Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol.

It’s like, I know—I know that my work on Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol will seal me as a Hollywood icon for years to come. I know this. The question is, which film will make my career…legendary? Will it be Short Circuit 2?

Come on, Gutes! Think!

Then Guttenberg also has to worry about the plot itself. Where exactly can the Newton Crosby character go from here? Johnny #5, he’s malleable, he can bend to any scene and make it all about him, that’s why I still believe that role should have been mine, but no matter. No matter! Do I want to make this sequel?

No, I don’t. I simply don’t. I’m going to have to go with my gute on this and my gute says no. I should wait around for a sequel to Cocoon or maybe a Three Men and a Little Baby sequel. That’s the meal ticket. That’s the stuff legends are made of.

I know there is no sense in worrying about it, but I can’t help but be concerned that this new Short Circuit film might undercut all the hard work I did in the first one. To think of all that I put into that character. All of his brevity, his humanity, his philosophical whimsy and merriment, his porous sexuality…to think it could all be marred by another film!

Now granted, without the Guttenberg Seal of Approval, this movie is going to tank and I think the fans will know that.  If they can just keep my character out of the new one completely, Guttenberg will be pleased. Fisher playing the role of Ben Jabituya, that was hilarious in the first one, but does he have the confidence, the strength, the talent, the-the-the-the-the Guttens to keep a whole film together for 89 minutes? You know what? It’s their problem now. Guttenberg has passed, and now they must go upstream. Without a paddle. Or a boat. Or an A-list actor. Good luck, schmucks!

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