St.Patrick’s Day Mystery
As the celebrations loom, the little people flee the cities
A brief lesson by Furious T. Kelly
You may be wondering why you don’t see the little people on Saint Patrick’s Day. And it seems that there are fewer and fewer wee people around on that day with each passing year. Well, if you listen closely on St. Patrick’s Day eve, you’ll hear the pitter patter of little feet as the tiny folk scamper for their very lives to safety.
It all started back in the 1800’s when Americans used to capture midgets in hopes they were a leprechaun or wood nymph. Unfortunately only one out of every thousand or so midgets is in fact a leprechaun, and that’s certainly not enough to go around. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln declared that we should only hunt for leprechauns amongst the little people but one day a year. Thus, St. Patrick’s Day was born being that he is the patron saint of leprechauns, unicorns, and beer.
It’s also the one day a year that we can legally grab any little person off the street, dress them in green, and make them dance and sing for hours and hours. The spilling of beer and the breaking of glasses all around them frightens the wee person and may cause them to run which requires us to chase them. You may see fifty or sixty full grown adults chasing one midget through the streets to try and trap him under a barrel.
Once under the barrel it’s tradition to scream and shout your wishes at them until they are granted. If it turns out to be just an ordinary midget, they must be whipped with switch for tricking you and the others into thinking they were a leprechaun in the first place. This tradition has been passed on for thousands and thousands of years.