Peyton Manning Really Wants You to Scarf Down Those Pizzas
Peyton Manning, the All-Star veteran NFL quarterback of the Denver Broncos, has recently appeared on numerous television advertisements daring you to scarf down a wide array of Papa Johns pizzas, such as the BBQ Chicken and Bacon pizza as well as the Sriracha Meats pizza.
“These pizzas look as disgusting as they sound,” said Peyton while smiling wide in the 30-second television commercial. “BBQ Chicken Pizza? BBQ sauce instead of traditional marinara! MMMM!! Thank god I never touch this shit. But you, though! You just go ahead and take a, big, old, ignorant mouthful of this artery-clogging malfeasance while you watch me play the big game on Sunday and outlive your pork-fed ass by 25 years.”
Manning, the MVP of Super Bowl XLI, has been a good little spokesman for the Papa Johns pizza franchise since 2011, where he stands next to the pizza franchise owner John Shnatter as Peyton’s own special garlic sauce dribbles down John’s eager chin.
Mr. Manning would like you to know that if he were to eat any of this greasy vomit like the rest of you animals, he wouldn’t be making millions of dollars as a professional athlete.
“The Sriracha Meats pizza is really something to behold,” said Manning merrily while examining the pizza slice. “I mean, what have we got here? Sriracha sauce with pepperoni and Italian sausage? God, that’s so gross. Oh, it looks there is some onion in there too,” Manning stated before looking off-camera and saying, “An onion? Seriously? What, are we being fucking ironic here? You’re going to throw an onion on top of this mountain of shit?”
The Sriracha Meats Pizza is available for $12 for a large, but only for a limited time. “We know that moderation is key for healthy enjoyment of our product,” Manning said at the close of the commercial. “But since I own 21 Papa John’s restaurants myself, I personally think you should eat your way into a diabetic coma. Buy more, save more, fatty!”
Why not gorge yourself on some funny personal essays by the author of this article? Download his FREE E-Book here
This article originally on Newscult.com