Aw, Dude.


Philadelphia, PA- Andrew Dovidio, 27, mistook a knock on the door yesterday morning for a bill collector, when in fact it was actually Opportunity.

     “Dude, I woke up to this harsh knocking,” reported the perpetually balding Andrew, “and my first thought to myself was, ‘Aw, Dude, did you pay the gas bill?'”

     Cleverly and discreetly, Dovidio reached to the side of his bed and reached for his bowlful of hash as Opportunity knocked a second time.

     “It was like, aw, man, only a bill collector knocks that heavy, so I lit up. But I made sure that I muted the T.V when I turned it on. I’m not an idiot.”

     Outside Andrew’s door, Opportunity gave a third and final knock, and after waiting for exactly one minute, turned and left Andrew’s small apartment building forever.

     “I was there,” said Opportunity, who sometimes goes by the name of Brad. “Here I was, knocking at his door, a wonderful high-paying new job with a company car, not to mention working in the same office as the girl he had a crush on in High School. But, no; he lit the pipe instead. I heard his lighter trying to catch and the television being turned on; I’m not an idiot.”

     Opportunity took a great sigh of disappointment as he told Vondrook reporters, “Jesus, it takes all kinds, doesn’t it?”

     Upon learning that it was Opportunity who knocked at the door, Dovidio released a lung full of pot and said, “Aw, dude, really? So the next time there’s a knock….I should answer it…but if it was the opportunity of a lifetime, I won’t see it again….so the next time there’s a knock it will be a bill collector…but if I don’t…” Andrew trailed off as he re-lit the pipe.