Holiday Greetings From the Mathis Family!

Lucy Mathis, your favey liberal housewife!

     An Editorial by: Lucy Mathis

Greetings friends and family! It’s that time of year again, where after a big Thanksgiving dinner, I sit down and write out all of my Christmas cards to let you all know what the crazy Mathis clan has been up to this past year!

     Usually by this point, we are so stuffed with turkey and fixings we can hardly move, but Harrison and I decided not to celebrate it anymore. We don’t want to teach Skylar and Sage that celebrating the brutish rape of this land from the Indians is ok. It’s time to be honest with our children, and remorseful for all of the things we took from the Native Americans. They were heroes.

     Did you notice our new return address on the envelope? In April, we bought a house by Lake Nockamixon! 6 bedrooms! 2 acres!! I told Harrison I thought it might have been a bit too big, but he insisted on spoiling us after getting his promotion at the pharmaceutical company. He said that with all of the land we have, I could plant my famous potatoes and carrots and make my all natural stew. Sign me up, Harry baby! I don’t know what we’re going to do with the extra two bedrooms. Skylar and Sage say they want them as their own separate playrooms, which will probably happen (nyuk nyuk)!

     Our children are breathtaking. Skylar has shot up 2 inches this year and has started the 5th grade in a new school. His old school was too harsh. They said he suffered from “behavioral problems” or something like that. I tried telling them that he is just enthusiastic, but they wouldn’t hear of it. I got a little fed up with the way they were treating my little Skylar, especially when they started giving him bad grades. The teachers just hated him, that’s all. That’s what happens when teachers are jealous. The educational system we have in this country is just the worst! I suggested to hubby that maybe we should get him on Ritalin, but he said that stuff is dangerous. “Brain poison,” he calls it. So instead we enrolled him in a new school that doesn’t believe in grades, but rather lets children like Skylar express himself to his fullest potential. He’s too smart for a grading system.

     Sage has gotten straight A’s this year! She’s only in the 2nd grade, but we’re expecting great things from her! Her teachers just love her! She always raises her hand and has the right answer. Me and hubby are already planning on her getting a scholarship to a great school. Oh, the money we could save! LMAO.

     We hope that after we get fully settled into our new home, we will invite you all over for a housewarming party. There’s still so much furniture to buy from Ikea. Maybe in January, we can get jiggy with it! LOL! We should also wait for Skylar to get a little bit tired of the new 4-wheeler we are going to buy him for Christmas (shh! don’t tell him!) Otherwise, you guys are gonna have a heck of a time trying to get in the driveway! OMG! LOL! LMAO!

     Merry Christmas, everyone! You’ll be hearing from us!