New 5K D.P.I. LCD HDTV Shows Images Beyond Human Eye Comprehension
“Where our meeger competition has only an LCD screen of 1080 Dpi,” said David Crowell, spokesman for Toshiba, “Our newest model has a 5000 Dpi on it’s LCD screen of HDTV-ness.”
So what does it mean for the consumer? “With this newest technology,” began Crowell, “it will be impossible to tell, but scientists have assured us that viewing the screen will show images clearer than your own eye can see.”
Reporters asked Mr. Crowell what the fuck he was talking about. “It’s detailed,” he explained, “so detailed in fact, that the high-definition cameras have detected a new color unlike anything previously seen or imagined in the human spectrum of color.”
Customers are reluctant to believe. “How can it do that,” said Trevor Manning, a divorced father of 2 unfortunate looking children, “I mean, if a human eye can’t see it, then…Alright, whatever. As long as I can say LCD HDTV really fast, then it’s ok. ” Upon hearing that the new Toshiba has even more acronyms involved than any other television on the market, he said he will buy one immediately.
Crowell warns that this television purchase is not to be taken lightly. “The screen is so crisp and clear, that synethesia may occur; that is, being able to literally see smells, taste sounds, or hear tastes. HD is now past the point of feeling like you are in the television studio, or sideline at the game, and has now catapulted the viewer onto an ethereal plane, a dimension never even conceived previously by human thought or imagination.”
Toshiba’s Tagline for the new 5K Dpi LCD HDTV will be, “My God, it’s full of stars!” Commercials are set to air on Super Bowl Sunday.