Just Get in the Booth, Close Your Goddamn Eyes, and Vote, For Chrissake.

With the midterm elections right around the corner (November 4th), advertisers and political advisors who engage heavily in false advertising are prompting all of us to get out and vote.

“It’s your duty as a voter,” started William Janson, a top aide to New York Governor Cuomo, “to not just not give a damn about our political process, but to show it by voting wildly and blindly on the 4th.”

It’s true. This coming midterm election will have all 435 seats in the House of Representatives ready for the taking, as well as 100 seats in the Senate up for grabs.German Chancellor Angela Merkel speaks b

“A lot of people don’t know how important midterm elections are,” said Pennsylvania Governor, Tom Corbett. “In fact, despite the 15% drop in voter turnout compared to the presidential election, the midterms are where things can really take a turn; so it’s vitally important that no one gives a shit about it.”

With Congress’s approval rating at an abysmal 41 percent (the lowest in 25 years), registered voters have turned a blind eye to this nation’s rapid descent into apathetic madness.

“Meh,” shrugged Claire Hinkle, a homemaker and registered voter in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. “I don’t really know what’s going on with all that, but I don’t think I like it. But I much more don’t give a damn about it than I do disapprove of it. And I really don’t want to miss out on my shows…” The shows in question were all daytime dramas; all of them are scheduled for reruns that day. “I can’t miss out on my shows,” she reiterated.

corbett“Look, we just want people to get their butts in the booths,” said Corbett. “They don’t even have to vote for me. I’m going to be straight with you—I don’t even know which party I belong to. ‘The good side,’ is what I tell people if I urge them to ask. They usually don’t ask.”

After much research, it turns out that Governor Corbett is from the Republican Party. Which is…good? No, wait, it’s bad. Well, it’s either good or bad, depending on the last advertisement you saw on television.

“Just get in the voting booth, shut your goddamn mouth, close your fucking eyes, and vote,” said Corbett. “That’s what I’m planning on doing, because whatever. Fuck it.”

 

 

Why not follow Governor Corbett’s example and blindly download a FREE e-book of essays by the author of this article? Simply shut your goddamn eyes and click here. Because honestly, whatever. Fuck it.