A labor dispute in California could indirectly cause a shortage of Mardi Gras beads in New Orleans this year, a reliable source stated yesterday. According to the source, a labor strike at the Port of Los Angeles will keep the beads from coming overseas and subsequently into the hands and around the necks of those celebrating Mardi Gras this year, because it makes sense that a holiday started in France that is celebrated in America gets their decorations from China.

As the strike looms large in the public eye, many can’t help but wonder what the union members are looking for as they negotiate another deal. Are there better health care options needed for the workforce? Have the workers been getting a cost of living raise? And if they haven’t been getting a raise in accordance to the rate of inflation, then what—

Oh, excuse me. Most importantly, according to my editor, is what about all those wonderful, fantastical, symmetrical tits we’re supposed to see at Mardi Gras? Yes, yes. What of the tits? I don’t know, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, I will research it; give you something to chew on.beads01

Christ. Okay.

Fear grips the nation as the public wonders desperately about the shortage of beads for this year’s Mardi Gras celebration. Nobody knows much about what Mardi Gras is or what it celebrates exactly, but they are aware of the superfluous amount of boobage shown in the streets, and that beads are the key to such ocular ogling. What are the ramifications of such devastation?

“We could see the Mardi Gras bead gain better distributary stability,” stated Andrew Dovidio, an economist from Villanova. “Imagine the Mardi Gras bead as the Italian Lira; where one US dollar is about 1700 Lira, so too, is the Mardi Gras bead. But if there is a shortage of beads, the bead in its singular form may actually carry more weight than it once did years ago, as they will be cherished more and not thrown willy-nilly at just any passers-by.”

So, what does it mean? I’ll tell you what it means. It means that the beads could possibly have a more tasteful effect on the celebrators at large in the streets of New Orleans this year. If Mr. Dovidio is correct, you could see a much higher perk to sag ratio this Mardi Gras season. Quality over quantity is basically what he is saying.

But there are some who fear the shortage may cause a collapse is terms of celebration and are not willing to roll the dice. The mayor of New Orleans, the Honorable Mitchell J. Landrieu, is desperately trying to collect beads from other sources in order to keep the number as high as last year’s, if not more. “We are asking a lot of the people this year,” the mayor began. “Firstly, we are asking them not to worry about the idea of there being a bead shortage. And secondly, we are asking that if they have any kind of anal beads or rosaries laying around, we would love to have them to use for the bead shortage. We will clean and refurbish them for distribution, but only if we have time to, which we won’t.”


Thanks for the idea, Andrew! And thanks for reading my Free E-Book, which anyone can download by clicking here