Hey there, kids! Are you short on cash? Worried that you might have to be sober all weekend? Before you start huffing model airplane glue in the communal dorm shower, might you consider a practical little gem of a beer called Lion’s Head? It’s right there at your favorite Korean take-out beer place. In the back. On the ground. You might have to ask the guy. Ask him. I’m sure they have it somewhere.

Oh, there it is! Look at that logo. Do not be intimidated. The box will not bite you. Yet. But be warned: just because it is called Lion’s Head doesn’t mean you won’t have a tail to tell. Nyuk Nyuk! I’m kidding, of course.

Harness the roar of the lion!LHlabel

Edmund Premington first described the effect of the lion’s roar in 1923 by stating that the lion’s roar will cause a tingle of fear to constrict one’s scrotum as well as erecting the nipples on one’s ass. Take a good swig and just try to call Edmund a liar.

Upon the first taste of the beer, you might think yourself a king. “How am I able to drink such a fine beer while
I have no gainful means of employment?” Do not trouble yourself with such trivialities. Instead, why not solve the puzzle on the back of the bottle cap? Hey, it’s ok. I can’t figure them out either. But they’re fun, right? And for a whole 24 pack of bottle that only costs $13.99? Why, that’s likeā€¦no, wait, don’t do the math. That’s not what you went to college for. You went to college to drink, yes?

Hive hat it up two hear!
Hive hat it up two hear! Yessss!

And after taking hearty some loving chugs of your new favorite beer, you will find, somehow, that the puzzles get easier to solve. Don’t ask me how, it just happens. I mean, don’t ask a bird how it graces the sky.
But the savings don’t end with just one night of drinking, no no no. The march of the lion continues onto the next day as it rumbles up through your esophagus and rests on your tongue, greeting and swiping at anyone daring enough to talk to you and taste the roar of the lion.

Lion’s Head beer: Somehow worse than Budweiser but still better than a Hurricane 40. Consult your nearest Korean grocer.

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