My Last Day Teaching Kindergarten
Okay, kids! Kids, play-time is over, please put your toys away neatly in the play bin. Do it nicely, don’t be jerks about it, and sit down on the carpet. Five seconds, guys! 4….3….2….1. Okay, good!
Now, can you remember what letter we learned yesterday? I’m pointing to it right here on the board. Gerald, don’t stare at me with your mouth open, it’s rude. Yes, Tracy, “W!” And what sound does the letter W make?
Wa….wa….wa….wa… and with that sound you can make out words like, What, Why, When… I know I got a little sidetracked yesterday with the letter W when I used Nietzsche’s Will to Power as well as the Eternal Return of the Same. That was some heavy stuff to lay on you guys, and I apologize. But just remember, the eternal return of the same is merely a thought experiment to accompany the Will to Power. It does not necessarily mean that since time is eternal it is inevitable that you will be born again and will live the same life you are living now, the question is Will you be okay with that if it were true? Carpe Diem, is basically what he is saying there.
Of course, you can also counter that argument by saying that time is a manmade construct and everything that ever has and will happen not only has already occurred, but has occurred all at once. Again, I leave you to ponder that on your own time.
Gerald, (snaps fingers) get your thumb out of your nose.
And today we are going to learn about the letter X! Isn’t that fun, kids! The letter X. Now, the letter X isn’t used too often; in fact, it is the third least used letter in the alphabet behind Q and Z.
Advertisers love the letter X because of its rarity and actually thinks the public will buy something because it has an X on it. X is like the bad boy of the alphabet. X will be late for his date with V, but it won’t matter because he has a cool car and a leather jacket and V will still give X a hand-jibber at the very least even though V can still smell Y on his aXis.
That’s a joke, kids.
Shoot, X won’t even have to bother taking V out to dinner first. The hand-jibber will just manifest itself by the way X carries itself. But I, myself, am getting carried away.
Listen, the letter X can be used in such words as, “eXcellent,” and “eXceptional,” two words that I am sure your parents use to describe you all the time to others, even though most of us know that it simply isn’t true. Look at it this way: if everyone was exceptional, nobody would be. Think about that, okay? Think about it.
Not many words start with the letter X, however. There’s “Xenophobia” which is a fear or hatred of foreigners. For instance, in the 1800’s, there was a hatred of the Irish people coming over to this country and the Irish were sometimes called “White Negroes,” which is pretty oxymoronic. Hey, there’s another X word! But if there were such a thing as White Negroes, honestly, wouldn’t they be those imperialist European douchebags in South Africa who practiced apartheid among other atrocious things? Wouldn’t that, technically, be a “White Negro,” that is, a white person from Africa?
People are terrible, is what I’m saying, kids, because just about every group has been hated by at least one other group of people. Hate derives from fear. Fear from ignorance.
Now, you might be thinking, a word like Xenophobia, it doesn’t sound like a typical “X” sound, and that’s true! It sounds like a “Zee” sound, and you know what? You’re right. And I’m not going to try to eXplain this away. You’re just going to have to roll with it. This will not be the last time in your life where you will notice that English, as a language, is pretty fucked.
FluXed! I said fluxed. Got an X in it. Flux means to flow. Language flows. It’s an organism, really. Now, I was debating on how best to demonstrate the letter X to you kids, so for the rest the of the class we will be watching the 1979 classic from Ridley Scott, Alien, starring Tom Skerrit. It is a classic example of a Xenomorph. If you haven’t seen Alien or Aliens in your 6 years spent on this planet, then so far, you have failed in life, but that’s okay. We’re about to fiX that! Gerald, wash your hands. You’re being gross.
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