Inner City Ice Cream Truck Actually Sells Ice Cream, Cones
Philadelphia, PA—Crack-heads surrounding North Philadelphia’s Diamond Street were terribly dismayed yesterday after discovering that their usual ice cream truck full of crack was actually selling ice cream.
“It be bullshit,” said Derrick Thomas, a 6 year crack addict and frequent subway sleeper, “what’s my crack truck doin’ selling ice cream?” Thomas heard the truck coming around the corner late Monday afternoon and got together all of the pennies and bottle caps he could find. “I put down all my money and a loosey and ordered me a couple rocks, and the guy is like, ‘Rocks? I never heard of no Rocks. How about a snowball?’ I was like, ‘alright, but I’ll snowball you for 5 rocks, not 3.’”
It’s true. As part of Mayor Michael Nutter’s plan to clean up the drug-laden streets, task forces have been appointed to stop dealers in their tracks.
“Police have been, haha, cracking down on dealers starting in North Philadelphia,” said Mayor Nutter. “If you can believe it, these trucks didn’t always deliver crack to our children.”
Skeptics are not so sure. “Are you trying to tell me,” said Brenda Gavant, an 11 year old who attends North Philadelphia Girls School, “that there are trucks that actually drive around the neighborhood and sell ice cream? Yeah, right!”
Mayor Nutter hopes that the newly revamped ice cream trucks will create jobs and give the area neighborhoods a more homely feel to them. “The metal grates stay on the windows,” he said. “At least for a little while, but hopefully they will come off by next year.”
“It’s an interesting job,” said newly employed ice cream truck driver Floyd Bronson, who started working the 17th street block last Tuesday. “At first it was nothing but crack heads coming up to the truck, but now I get at least 1 kid customer for every 6 crack heads.”
If these numbers are accurate and increasing, it won’t be long before other cities adopt Nutter’s idea. Crack heads are on their heels.