Green Liberals Protest Volcano
ICELAND- The members of the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics traveled to Iceland last week to protest the active volcano which began erupting on April 15.
“Of all the weeks for Earth to pull this shit,” said Steven Hills, president of the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics, or C.R.A.P for short. “Earth couldn’t have waited just another week or something, it just couldn’t! I mean, hel-lo! We’re trying to have an ‘Earth Day’ here!”
It’s true. More than two dozen protesters traveled by boat to the coast of Iceland in order to shout their disapproval at the active volcano, named Eyjafjallajokull, or Jibba-Jabba-Jooboo to us Americans.
“We can’t even get on a diesel powered plane to protest this, since [Jibba-Jabba-Jooboo] is spewing out all the ash into the atmosphere, polluting the hell out of it,” said Debbie Pollack, a 42 year old account and frequent viewer of the Today Show. “What a gluttonous Earth we have.”
Millions of tons of ash has been shot miles high into the atmosphere, disrupting airline travel across Europe for days on end. Protesters have gotten slightly tired over the 10-day boat trip, but are trying to stay vigilant. “Whenever I think that maybe we should be focusing on things like illegal pesticides or fossil fuel pollutants,” said Steven Hills, “I think about the thousand of tons of sulfur dioxide, hydrogen sulfide, carbon monoxide, hydrogen chloride and hydrogen fluoride being sent into our air, choking us. It’s ridiculous!”
The biggest move the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics hopes to achieve is a bill proposed to President Obama to stop volcanic activities by 18% over the next 10 years. “I polished off the letter and sent it to my local congressman before we left off the coast of Newfoundland on Tuesday,” said Hill. “Maybe our protesting will help raise volcano awareness.”
When asked how exactly the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics is going to protest a volcano, Hills fell short on a definite answer. “Ya know,” he said with his head cocked to the side, “I never gave that much thought. I just got so keyed up when I saw the pollution on television, I just felt like I had to protest it.”
At the time of this article being published, there were rumors that upon reaching the shore of Iceland, members of C.R.A.P will stand at a safe distance and shake their fists.