Dumbo Suffocates in Disney Vault
Orlando, FLA– The remains of Dumbo the Elephant were discovered today after executives opened the door to the infamous Disney Vault.
“It was shocking,” said Disney worker David Nathaniel. “We were planning an Alladin special HD Blue-Ray Re-Release, and in order to do that, we had to go into the vault to get the original master tapes. I opened the door, and Dumbo’s corpse just came rolling to my feet.”
The authorities were immediately called to the location, and saw a horrific scene. Apparently, they locked Dumbo in the vault without any proper ventilation system, and Dumbo suffocated to death.
“I’ve never seen anything so cruel,” said Chief of Police Alfred Bonowitz. “It looks like there was a hell of a struggle in here. The vault door, which is over 4 feet thick has these terrible stamped hoof prints coming from the inside, some of them over an inch thick. Dumbo’s ears looked incredibly worn down, as if he had been trying to fly out through the ceiling, but to no avail.”
America is stunned. “I know they always advertise what they are gonna do,” said Sophia Nordstrom, mother of 8. “threatening to lock up their movies in the vault, but I always thought it was a metaphorical vault. Not an actual ‘Fort-Fucking-Knox-type’ vault. Shameless.”
After the discovery of the body, three of the people involved have been charged with at least one count of Animal Cruelty, with more apparently on the way.
A full investigation has been headed up by local police. “It’s a huge vault,” said Bonowitz. “We always heard rumors about this type of thing going on, but we couldn’t get a search warrant based on a rumor. But now we have hard evidence and a legitimate cause behind a search. And to be honest, I’m scared shitless about what we are going to find in there. I mean, what do we tell our kids?”
Editor’s note: After the interview was conducted by Vondrook journalists, police found the remnants of Pinnochio, whose nose was stretched over 18 feet long with a note that read, “I’m going to be ok I’m going to be ok I’m going to be ok….”