Dr. Wily Bound To Strike Within 3 Months
Dr. Wily, the infamous madman, is reported to send out his robots to attack the city in a matter of months. Details are uncertain, but government officials are steadfast in their conclusion of Wily’s attempt to destroy civilization.
Director of Homeland Security, David Brown, has issued a statement. “We have been aware of his plans for over 19 years now, dating back to 1989.” Brown’s evidence? A message of warning written in 1989, stating that Dr. Wily will arm himself with his own home-made robots in the year 200X. “It’s a vague warning, I know, but we have been on our toes since January 31, 1999, and with the first decade of the 21st century coming to a close, we must be ready more than ever.”
Apparently, Dr. Wily’s location is unknown at the moment, but the widespread panic that his 8 robots, including Metal Man and Crash Man will soon be upon us has influenced our daily lives. “I can’t even sip my coffee in the morning without worrying,” said Engineer Michael Matthews, “I’m scared shitless that Flash Man is gonna come around the corner and just spray his Kix- sized bullets all over me, and all I’ll be able to do is stand still. We need to do something, and fast!”
Government officials have already put plans into place. Their first order of business: to round up every person named Dr. Light and commit them to a series of tests to build robots that may be able to combat Dr. Wily’s. “It’s rigorous, I know,” said Brown “but we need to do something, dammit. Wily may have Bubble Man and Heat Man, but we’re working on making a Super Man, or a Triumphant Man, or–or something of a similar name.”