Saying that he had a bit of an “off” couple of surgeries, Dr. Randy Baker of Beverly Hills, wants just one more crack at fixing actress Daryl Hannah’s face.

“I knew I was in a slump those past few months,” said Dr. Randy, “but I thought I could work my way out of it, ya know? Step out of the batter’s box and take some practice swings.”

Unfortunately, the recipient of Dr. Baker’s “practice swings” were former A-List actress and Splash star Daryl Hannah, who at a glance looks to have been punched in the face by Mike Tyson if Mike Tyson’s glove was filled with Botox and regret.

“That was a really off day,” lamented Randy, who works only by personal referrals and coupons in the local circular. “You ever just have one of those days?”

Randy claims that when he went to use the sandblaster to smooth out some hard edges on Ms. Hannah’s cheekbones, the power level was already set on full-blast.

“You know when you turn on your car in the morning and the radio is at max volume and it scares the heck out of you? That’s exactly what happened. Except with a sandblaster. And an actress’s face.”

The result was a blast of sand that drew back Daryl’s hairline by about 2 centimeters. “After I turned the blaster away from her, I was like, ‘Oh, Randy. There are days and there are days…’”

The rest of the surgery was downhill after that, including inverted cheekbone implants, duck-bill lip work, and a strokey-looking left eye.

But Dr. Randy is optimistic! He wants just one more crack at that once beautiful face. “I’ve turned it around. I’m out of the slump. Why, I just did some work on Suzanne Somers and you can hardly tell she’s had any work done. She looks fantastic for an 85 year old.”

Daryl Hannah could not be reached for comment, as her lips are too pursed to speak.


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