gable3

For those of you who have jobs or haven’t taken a sick day in quite some time, you might have failed to notice that the new host of the show Cheaters is none other than Clark Gable III. With this latest Clark Gable incarnation, there is hope that the show Cheaters will return to its roots of hard-hitting, exploitative emotional idiocy that skyrocketed the show to state-wide fame over a decade ago.

You might remember the show from when it peaked in 2003 as the host at the time, Joey Greco, was stabbed during one of the confrontations. Even though the footage might have been falsified, since then, host-stabbings on the show have dropped drastically. Producers are aiming for a resurgence of host-stabbings and believe that Clark Gable III can provide such a herculean task.

It must not have been easy for Clark Gable III to carry the weight of his elders’ legacy. Clark Gable II (or C.G. J.r as he is known to friends) is not an actor, and probably was advising his son not to enter the hills of Hollywood.

“Clark Gable III, get back here!” His father probably shouted.

“No, Dad!” Clark Gable III retorted. “I am not my father’s son! I’m my grandfather’s grandson, dammit!”

Sometimes the acting bug skips a generation, like the Teen Wolf gene.
Sometimes the acting bug skips a generation, like the Teen Wolf gene.

So true. Since Clark Gable Jr was a member of the Baby-Boom generation, he most likely tripped a lot of acid, went to Woodstock, and contributed nothing but burdensome social security taxes to society. Well, he also got arrested for DUI when he crashed into six (Really? Six?) parked cars in 2013. But just as Clark Gable the First was one of the premiere actors in the golden age of cinema, so too, is Clark Gable III striving to be the premiere douchebag in the shit-brown age of reality television.

And with a tattoo the length of his entire arm and wearing sunglasses on cloudy days, Clark Gable part 3 is looking to be a major player in the epic, long-overdue collapse of the medium that is reality television. Clark Gable III, we hope that much like any sequel, you provide more action (with that inked-up arm, hopefully), less plot, bigger special effects (like shining a laser pointer into a police helicopter), and an ever-waning character development that will finally make viewers turn the television off. It’s not what we want, Clark Gable III, it’s what we need.

 

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