Sources have confirmed that your daily stalker has taken great delight in your recent choice of hair styling. Whatever you were hoping for when you decided to mix things up with your hair style has really paid off and has only made you more attractive to some; namely the delusional and mentally unstable.

“It makes looking at you that much more enjoyable,” says the unknown stalker quietly to himself, who opted not to give his name, but can be found within the shadows of parking garages and behind quickly raised newspapers in your local coffee shop. “The coloring and shading really brings out your eyes and that’s why we’re going to end up together.”

It’s true. The stalker was not such a fan of your last hairstyling, which left him confused and somewhat angry. “I don’t know what was going on in the spring, but that hair styling was simply ‘yuck.’ It was so bad, that haircut you got on May 23rd at 2:43 pm at Combing Soon Hair Salon when you told Rudy to give you something completely different. I was wondering if I was staring at the same girl through my binoculars; that’s how bad it was. It was like, come on, give me something to work with here!”

Rumors had even surfaced that the stalker had been looking into other girls to obsess over, using the May 23rd haircut as a means to end the relationship you had no idea even existed.

But now things seem to be back in order with your new hair style and any doubt the stalker may have had about his choice in obsession is now long gone, so congratulations! “It was a tough time for all of us, that haircut,” said the stalker, “thank goodness things are back to their normal, abnormal ways.”


Have an abnormally lengthy nyuk! Download the FREE E-Book of essays written by the author of this article! Simply click here