A Bystander From a Lethal Weapon Chase Scene Arrives Home
Hi, honey I’m home. You will not believe the day I had today! It was the most insane thing I have ever seen. No, I’m sorry, I didn’t get to pick up the milk on the way back. Listen: the cops chased down and killed some guy on the construction site today. I know!
They never told us who the guy was or what he did, but I’m getting ahead of myself. There I was, doing the timber framing, getting the site ready for the pavers. I was setting the cruck in just the right position, when Bill goes, “Hey, did you hear that?” And I don’t. I figure Bill is just screwing with me. You know how Bill is. No, Bill Thompson. He and his wife came over for dinner a couple months back. You said his wife was kind of snarky. Yeah, that Bill. So, anyway, I start to hear something all the sudden, like impending doom. We look at each other, and the sound gets louder: there’re car horns honking, there’s screaming, a little bit of gunfire, and just when it couldn’t get any louder… silence. We look up and there is this goddamn car in sky, like, in slow motion, flying off the beltway above us.
I heard silence when that thing was coming toward us; Bill said he heard a waning saxophone playing, but I think he was just in shock.
It’s incredible, right? So we both grab ahold of each and jump out of the way while this fucking car comes crashing down. It falls right through all of the framing and joint work we had been setting up for weeks. Hours and hours of work–gone.
The driver, he’s dead, and they guy who took the fall with the car, he dislocates his goddamn shoulder, and he’s running around looking for a beam to slam his shoulder into. We’re all looking at each other, like, “What the fuck,” right? So he starts slamming his shoulder into the beam and then this old black guy shows up in this beat-up station wagon, and he’s like, “Hey, yo, Riggs! Riggs!”
It turns out this guy was a cop. We didn’t know what to make of the whole thing. They were chasing some suspicious-looking guy and it ended right on our site. So this Riggs guy, he pops his shoulder back in and he and the black guy limp off to the car, bicker back and forth like an old married couple, and then drive away!
And we’re all like, “…the fuck?”
And that all happened at around 1:00. You know what we were doing the whole rest of the day? Filing reports with the other cops who showed up minutes later. I was asking around, and it turns out that this Riggs guy is a real wild card. He plays it fast and loose, apparently. Word on the street is that the captain is really on his ass and his partner’s ass to get a break in the case they’re working on. Personally, and I say this in the hopes that you won’t tell anyone this, but this Riggs’s guy hair was absolutely amazing! It was like a flowing mane of masculinity and badassery.
If I were the captain, I would be on his ass too, because our foreman, Terry, he said he is going to sue the city because of all the progress we lost today. So now the mayor is going to be on the captain’s ass and the captain is on Riggs’s ass…everybody is on everybody else’s asses, apparently.
No, it means overtime for guys like me and Bill, so that’s a good thing. I just hope Riggs and Murtaugh (that was his partner’s name, Murtaugh), I just hope they get their man. And from what it looks like, they’re having one helluva time doing it. I just wish I could see how it all plays out. So how was your day? What’s for dinner?
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