Mr. Rutherford, thank you for taking the time to see me. I understand you are a busy man with a lot of people asking for loans from your particular bank, so let me get straight to the point, and I need you to keep up with me because I talk fast, I think fast, and most importantly, I can make us both a lot of loan1

So here is what I got so far and I think you are going to like it: it’s a candle store, alright? It’s a candle store with a bit of a twist. You know how paint stores can nearly instantly make you a gallon of paint just by bringing in the color and showing it to them? Well, I know of a way that can make smells with the same idea. Think of it as instant smells. Smells on demand! You come in there and you say, “Good morning, fine sir, today I smelled diesel fuel exhaust, and I just fell in love with it. Can I get a candle that smells like an 18 wheeler barreling through my living room?” And you know what I say? I say, “Sure.” I call the store Wax Rhapsodic and it’s a guaranteed money-maker, Mr. Rutherford.

Now, I can get you in on the ground floor with me which will yield you the most profit, but the first thing I would like to do, before the location is scouted, before the marketing strategy and mission statement are made clear, hell, before we get the big ceremonial ribbon-cutting scissors, the first thing I would really like to do is find out what the word rhapsodic means.

I feel that finding out what this word means is key to the success of this business venture. So, let’s see…rhapsodic. Where have I heard that word…rhapsodic. I wonder if it has anything to do with the word rhapsody. Perhaps! Now, where have I heard rhapsody? Oh! Queen! Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Of course! Ok, now what was that song about? Mr. Rutherford, please, don’t interrupt; I got this.

The song became popular again in the early nineties when it was in the movie Wayne’s World, but we should go back. Back to the beginning when the song was released. I know Freddie Mercury sang it. Freddie was a helluva singer. It also doesn’t help that I don’t know what a bohemian is. I don’t have time to research that right now, so I am just going to assume it is slang for homosexual.

Mr. Rutherford, put the dictionary down! Please.

The band was pretty gay. They rocked and were coincidentally homosexual. Now, didn’t Freddie die of AIDS? I believe he did. In fact, he was one of the first celebrities diagnosed with the disease and helped bring it into public view. Is that what he was singing about in the song? Shoot, what was that song about? Dammit, Michael! Think! Th-th-th-th-th-THINK!!! He was talking about death, wasn’t he? Was he talking about his own death? Did he know that his talented time on this earth was about to be drastically cut short by AIDS when he wrote that song? I think he did. Dammit, where was I?

Ok, ok, I got it. Mr. Rutherford, thank you for being so patient with me. In closing, I would like to reiterate what a great idea this candle store is. It will have instant smells. Smells on demand! Yes, that’s it. It’s brilliant, isn’t it? I call it, The Gay Plague, and all I am asking for is a quaint $125,000 loan to get me up and running. What do you say?

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