300: Rise of An Empire Sure To Be America’s Favorite Slow-Motion Homoerotic Film of the Week
“We are very pleased with the opening weekend sales,” said director Noam Murro. “I know there was a lot of great homoerotica set in slow motion opening this weekend, and I am happy we came out on top.”
It’s true. In its opening weekend, 300: Rise of An Empire took over 45 million dollars at the box office and is hoping to keep its spot for a second week in a row. “I think there are enough guys scantily clothed in warrior outfits flexing in 1/4 speed to keep it there for a while,” stated Murro.
One might presume that it was inevitable for the sequel to the 2006 smash homoerotic hit 300 to be placed at the number one spot, but the categorization was tricky for this film. Said screenplay writer Zack Snyder: “It was a bit difficult to get the categorization we needed. If you’ll notice, there are more females in this movie, which hurt us tremendously, but we were able to shoehorn into the homoerotic classification we were seeking. It was almost called an Action movie, and if that were the case, well, Robocop would have destroyed us for sure.”
As for the actual title of the film, it can only be assumed that the word “Empire” is the most common nickname men have for their penis.